God Speaks Through Graffiti

In high school, I never really fit in.  Teens are insecure, but I was even more so because I went from seventh grade straight into ninth grade, and unlike everyone else, I did not have any friends in my classes that I knew since kindergarten.  I knew hardly anyone, and that was my freshman year.  

I remember at times feeling invisible.  I remember wishing I was well-liked and had friends, instead of being the awkward girl who was too smart to be in eighth and too uncool to hang out with the freshmen.  (I tagged along with my brother's friends, who were juniors.  My brother pretended he did not know me.)  

One day, it had just been too much for me—emotions and life—and at times in high school I suffered from suicidal thoughts.  I told God, “Lord, if anyone sees me—let them speak now; let me have even one small gesture of kindness.”  I needed to know.

I waited all day, and no one spoke, no one did anything.  I felt lonelier, and more self-conscious than ever. 

Then, in my weight training class, I finally had it.  I’ve never really been athletic, and I had trouble benching the bar (without any weights on it).  I told myself that I'd had it.  I didn’t know what I’d do, though my thoughts veered toward ending my life that night since I was so insignificant and no one cared.

Then, when I sat down on the sit-up bench to knock out fifty crunches, I saw something before me that made me speechless.   There, on the wall, someone had written in pencil, “I see you.” 

Those words, a joke to unnerve whoever might be trying to cheat on their pushups, resounded through my soul.  I knew it was God who said them; it was God that prompted whoever wrote it to pen the words, just so that I might know that He cared.

I still struggle sometimes in regards to acceptance and self-worth, but inside, this memory serves as a reminder that no matter where I am, and how invisible I feel, I am significant to God.

While my problems are insignificant when compared to the happenings of the cosmos, God has time for me.  While I am one of 5 billion people, and however many more people that lived on the earth before my time, God knows me by name.  He knows the number of hairs on my head.  He collects my every tear.

If you struggle with feeling small and significant and just need one small gesture, see the graffiti on the wall in my gym class.  God says to you, too, “I see you.”

            

The Book of James Rewritten In My Own Words

Chapter 1

James the apostle writes to the brethren. 

Hello.

Dear ones, when life is troubling in any way, when you feel surrounded by hopelessness and the world presses in all around, let your heart be filled with joy.  Exercising your faith in such circumstances builds endurance—like a long distance runner, you must practice.  You must build endurance so that you can be mature, that you can finish your race and not lack in energy throughout.  Joy comes in finishing, so be filled with joy at the prospect of being able to finish well.

            If you feel you don’t have wisdom, request it from your heavenly Father, who gives in abundance without a second thought; it will be given to you.  But ask as if you will receive it, don’t doubt for doubters are like a storm-tossed ship driven by gales of hurricane winds.  This is like being double-minded and unstable like a house with a shifting foundation, and this kind of person must not expect to receive anything, for what use is wisdom to such a person?

            Let the believer who is the least or in a poor circumstance boast in being lifted up and seated at the right hand of the Father, and the rich believer boast in being brought low in humility, for the riches they are used to will not be carried with them into the afterlife.  Their riches will disappear like a flower in the field, and they will be better to learn to not lean on them in this life, for amidst a busy life, riches can be lost in a moment.  The only one we can trust in is our Lord.

            Anyone who endures temptation is blessed with favor from God.  Such an overcomer who has stood the test will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.  No one should think that temptation comes from God—for God is disgusted with evil and would not dangle failure in our faces just to mock us.  But we are tempted by our own dark hearts, lured and enticed by the fleshliness of it; when desire is allowed to breed it gives birth to sin, and that sin, when it matures, is the father of death.  Do not let your hearts deceive you, dear ones.

            Every time you find yourself giving generously or operating in any of the gifts, you are acting upon the inclination of the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, no shadowy places due to change, for He never changes.  These gifts are from him.  He gave us life to fulfill His purpose, so that we would be better than His first creatures, which fell to sin on the garden.

            You must make this your mantra, dear ones: be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.  For human anger does not produce God’s righteousness.  So rid yourself of this rank, rotten behavior which is detestable to God and submit to the fresh, sweet growth of the words planted in you, which has the power to save your souls.

            But you shouldn’t just hear these words and deceive yourselves into thinking you are growing.  You must also do what the words say to do.  If any just hear and don’t do, then they are like those who glance in a mirror in the morning and walk away without fixing their mussed hair, sandy eyes, and smeared mascara, going out into the world as if they were freshly done up.  But those that actually do the work and also persevere, these will be blessed in their doing, and also bless the heart of the Father.

            If any think they are a great follower of Christ, if any claim to be, and they do not bridle their tongues and let their hearts deceive them, their faith is practically worthless.  Faith that is attractive and sweet to God the Father is this: to care for those hurting, those lacking family and protection, those needing, those that no one else wants to care for, like orphans and widows, in their distress.  And also to keep oneself unstained by the delights of this world that our deceitful hearts lust after.

Chapter 2

My dear ones, do you really think you impress Jesus by showing favoritism?  For if a rich, attractive, and interesting person comes around and you show them great favor and deference, while you snub poor, unattractive, uninteresting people, do you not become like corrupt judges who, given bribes, will be convicted and thrown into prison?  Listen, my dear ones.  Hasn’t God chosen the poor to be rich in faith and to be heirs in the kingdom that he has promised to those who love him?  But you dishonor the poor, in both material wealth and other attractions.  Isn’t it the rich people, rich in material wealth and other attractions, that are the ones that end up being oppressive?  Isn’t it a rich person who’d sue you for all you’re worth?  Isn’t it they that have time to make a bad name for you and the Lord God?

            You would do well to do what the words of God say.  “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  But if you show partiality, you commit sin and will be taken to trial and convicted as a criminal.  For just by breaking this one part of the law, you have broken them all and will be put to death.  For the one who said not to commit adultery also said not to murder.  But if you do not commit adultery and murder, then you have still broken the word of the one who said it.  So speak and act like you are going to be judged by the one who set these laws of liberty.  For judgment without mercy will be given to you if you do not show mercy even unto these poor, unattractive, uninteresting people; mercy triumphs over judgment.

            What good is it, dear ones, if you say you have faith but do not have anything to show of it?  It is one thing to say you have faith, but you can truly prove you have it with action.  Can the idea of climbing up a rope ladder onto a ship save you from drowning in a shipwreck?  Or do you have to actually grab hold of the ladder and climb up?  If another believer lacks clothing and daily provisions and one of you says to them, ignoring their needs, “Go in peace, stay warm out there and I hope your dinner is awesome,” what is the good of that?  Just as shallow as that would be, so is faith itself without works.  It’s like a dead corpse without the life in it.

            Of course, someone would probably say to this, “I have great faith, and so-and-so has great works.  So it’s all good.  I spur them on, and they do.”  Show me your faith without works, I’d like to see it.  By my good works, I show you my faith!  You believe that God is the only God.  Good for you.  Even the demons believe this, and shudder at the great and terrible knowledge.  Do you want to be shown, you silly person, that corpses without life in them can’t go very far?  Abraham justified his faith when he was willing to offer up his one and only son as a sacrifice to God, by putting his faith into action.  Faith is brought to completion in works.  Because he believed God and put his faith into action, God called him his friend.  A person is justified by his works, not by his faith alone.  Rahab, a prostitute, was also justified by her works, for she welcomed messengers risking her life, and sent them out on a different road.  For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so is faith without works.  A dead corpse. 

Chapter 3

I don’t advise that a lot of you become teachers, dear ones, for not only do you have the responsibility of your own walk, but you will be held responsible for the material that you teach to others, and be judged in greater strictness because of your responsibility.  I know that everyone makes mistakes.  Anyone who makes no mistakes in speaking could be called perfect, able to keep the whole body kept in check with a bridle.  It’s like when you put bits in the mouths of horses to make them obey.  With one fairly small tool, you can guide their whole bodies.  Ships, too, are guided by very small tools.  They are so large it takes strong winds to drive them, yet a tiny rudder will direct such a vessel wherever the captain directs.  So also the tongue is a small tool, yet it boasts of great exploits.

            How a great forest can be burnt to the ground by something as small as a spark or a bit of ash that has not been extinguished!  The tongue is like this small spark or bit of ash.  The tongue is capable of staining the whole body, setting afire the entirety of it so that it is subject to the fires of hell.  It’s so wild that none can tame it, us humans who have pretty much tamed every species of creature on earth.  It’s a restless evil, full of a deadly poison.  With it we can praise our most precious Lord and Father, and with it we also curse those made in his glorious image.  From the same place comes both blessing and cursing!  Dear ones, this ought to not be so.  Does a spring pour forth fresh water and bog water?  Can a fig tree grow olives naturally or a grapevine grow figs without someone to graft them on?

            Who among yourselves thinks you are wise and have a great understanding?  Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness towards others which is born of your wisdom.  But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t be boastful or false to the truth.  Such wisdom does not come from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, and devilish.  For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there will also be disorder and evil of every kind.  True wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good life results, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.  For those that sow peace where they go, for those that make peace, they will reap righteousness as a result.

Chapter 4

Where do conflicts and disputes among you come from?  Do they not come from your own dark hearts, the evil cravings that are at war within you?  You want something and do not have it; so you commit murder.  And you want something that is not yours and take it; so you engage in disputes and conflicts.  You do not have because you don’t ask.  You ask and do not receive because you ask with the wrong heart, so that you can appease your own dark heart’s pleasures!  Unfaithful cheaters!  Don’t you know that friendship with the world is like having an affair, cheating on the God that loves you?  So if you want to be friends with the world, you break his heart and incur his wrath.  Or do you think the scriptures say, “God longs jealously for the spirit that he has made to dwell in us” for nothing?  But such a God that loves us understands our weakness, gives us all the more grace.  The scriptures say, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace the humble.”  Submit yourselves therefore to God, humble yourself before him.  Resist the devil and the desires of your dark hearts that he rises up within you, and he will flee from you.  Draw near to God, and like a lover he will draw near to you with great joy!  Cleanse your hands, you who sin, and purify your hearts, those who are double-minded.  Truly lament your actions, weep and lay yourself low before God.  Let this repentance pierce your very soul so that you cannot even laugh or have joy because of your God-hurting actions.  Humble yourselves before God, and he will lift you up off your face like good king, and give you the princely seat he has promised.

            Do not speak evil against one another, dear ones.  Whoever speaks evil against another judges another, speaks evil against the law of God and also judges the law itself.  This exalts yourself (proudly) to the position of a judge.  There is but one lawgiver and judge who is able to save and destroy.  Who are you to try and take His place?

            Now, for those of you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go here, spend a year there, doing business and making money” as if you are god of the future.  You don’t even know what tomorrow will bring!  What is your life?  You are a like a morning mist which appears for moments and then vanishes once the sun comes out.  What you really ought to say is, “If the Lord wishes, we will do this and that.”  Make your plans as if God exists. Without figuring him into the picture, consulting him, you boast in your own arrogance and all such boasting is evil.  Anyone then, who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, commits sin.

Chapter 5

Now for those of you who are rich and trust in your riches, you should prepare yourself for the heart-break that is coming.  Your stored-up riches will rot and your clothes will be eaten by moths when you are gone.  Your gold and silver piled high will rust, and their rust will be evidence against you, will eat your flesh like fire.  You laid up treasure for the last days, but when you are dead, it does you no good!  If you have cheated anyone, the Lord God has heard their cry.  While you lived on earth in luxury and pleasure while others suffered, you fattened your heart for the day of slaughter only.  By doing wrong to others, by not using your wealth on those, you have condemned and murdered the righteous one, who does not resist you.

            Have patience, then, dear ones, until the day that God comes back.  Farmers wait for their crops to grow, until it receives all the rains needed.  You must also be patient in this season.  Strengthen your hearts, build up your endurance, for the coming of the Lord is near.  Dear ones, do not grumble against one another, do not sin against one another with your mouths so that you will be judged.  See, the Judge is standing at the entranceway.  As an example of suffering and patience, dear ones, look to the example of the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord, those who died long before their prophetic words were fulfilled.  Indeed we call them blessed for their endurance, and their prophecies came true.  You have heard of the endurance of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

            Above all, dear ones, do not be so that you have to swear or make an oath to make people believe your word.  Let your ‘yes’ answers be true and your ‘no’ answers be true too, so that you may not fall under condemnation for your idle, lying words.

            Are any among you troubled, hopeless, or feel surrounded by the pressures of this world?  They should pray, go to the God who has power to give strength and provide.  Are any having a great time, glad at the blessings in their God-blessed lives?  They should praise God, sing forth songs of praise to lift up His name and thank Him for His blessing.  Are any among you ill in either soul or body?  They should call the elders of the church to pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord.  The prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise them up.  And lastly, but not the least, anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven, if they come before the Lord in the humble spirit that God loves.  Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed.  The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective.  The prophet Elijah was a human being like us, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain.  Just like he prayed, there was a great drought for three years and six months.  Then when he prayed again, the heavens gave rain.  The same God that helped Elijah is the God we worship and pray to; remember that.

            Dear ones, if anyone of you wanders from the truth and is brought back by another, you should know that whoever brings back a sinner from wandering will save the sinner’s soul from death