God has not given us a spirit of fear... regarding what?

Reading through the books of 1 and 2 Timothy in one sitting, I ran across a very familiar verse:

2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.

I remember hearing this verse often as a child, quoting it to myself when I was afraid.  I tell it to myself as an adult when I am having anxiety driving through heavy traffic, or any other situation that makes me feel the grip of fear seizing me.  But something I have realized lately is that a lot of people memorize verses, which is great, but they do not go back and look at how those verses come in context.  Today I was struck by the context of this verse.  Take a look at the verse that comes before it:

2 Timothy 1:6 (NIV)For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.  

 Then comes 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV):

2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.

When looking at these verses in context, it appears that Paul was writing to Timothy and telling him not only to be unafraid, but to be unafraid to use the "gift" he received through the "laying on of hands".  Since I had read 1 Timothy just moments before, I realized Paul mentions this gift in his first letter as well:

1 Timothy 4:14 (NIV)Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.  

Using Strong's Concordance, I looked up the word for gift in Greek, since the translation from the original Greek into English can lead to a word that's vague.  I also looked up the word for gift in English to compare the two.

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines the English word "gift" as a noun, a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present; or a natural ability or talent.

Strong's says the word used in both 1 and 2 Timothy is the Greek word "charisma", perhaps where the "charistmatic" label comes from in our language.

The NAS New Testament Greek Lexicon defines "charisma as":

• "a favour with which one receives without any merit of his own

• the gift of divine grace

• the gift of faith, knowledge, holiness, virtue

• the economy of divine grace, by which the pardon of sin and eternal salvation is appointed to sinners in consideration of the merits of Christ laid hold of by faith

• grace or gifts denoting extraordinary powers, distinguishing certain Christians and enabling them to serve the church of Christ, the reception of which is due to the power of divine grace operating on their souls by the Holy Spirit"

This word "charisma" per Strong's is also used in Romans 1:11, Romans 5:15-16, Romans 6:23, Romans 11:29, Romans 12:6, 1 Corinithians 1:7, 1 Corinthians 7:7, 1 Corinthians 12:4, 1 Corinthians 12:9, 1 Corinthians 12:28, and 1 Corinthians 12:30-31, 2 Corinthians 1:11, and 1 Peter 4:10.  A majority of these verses are listed below for ease of looking them up (I've listed the ones I feel are pertinent):

Romans 1:11 (NIV)I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong-- 

Romans 11:29 (NIV)for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.

Romans 12:6 (NIV)We have different gifts, according to the grace given us.  If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 

1 Corinthians 1:7 (NIV)Therefore, you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. 

1 Corinthians 7:7 (NIV)I wish that all men were as I am.  But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift; another has that. 

1 Corinthians 12:4 (NIV)There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. 

1 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 

1 Corinthians 12:28 (NIV)And int he church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. 

1 Corinthians 12: 30 -31Do all have gifts of healing?  Do all speak in tongues?  Do all interpret?  But eagerly desire the greater gifts.  And now I will show you the most excellent way. 

 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.

As can be seen, it seems as if in context, Paul is telling Timothy to not have a spirit of fear regarding the use of "grace or gifts denoting extraordinary powers, distinguishing certain Christians and enabling them to serve the church of Christ, the reception of which is due to the power of divine grace operating in their souls by the Holy Spirit", which Timothy received through prayer from elders in the church.

It makes me wonder which gift Timothy received.  The verses above indicate that spiritual gifts can be prophecy, faith, healing, working miracles, healing, the ability to help others, administration, tongues, interpretation of tongues.  There may be more listed not mentioned here, since this is not a study on gifts but on not being afraid to use them.  The context of the familiar verse 2 Timothy 1:7 really strikes home, however, as in our modern post-Christian day and age, where people eat food prepared in factories and live in big cities, I really feel as if some parts of the church have come to neglect the spiritual gifts that are Biblical.  Like Timothy, we have become afraid of them, so afraid, in fact, that we use the verse about fear and do not talk about what comes before it.

I wonder if that is why the church has seemingly lost its power.  I hear many young people speaking about how they wish we could go back to the days of Acts when the early church experienced power when the holy spirit came upon them, why we cannot see miracles such as in the days of Jesus or even in Old Testament times.  I believe we have forgotten that God has not give us a spirit of fear in regards to these things, but of power to use our gifts, of love to motivate our use, and of self-discipline to learn how to use them.

I believe that 2 Timothy 1:7 is ok to use out of context when it comes to any fear, for all fear except the fear of the Lord (which is essentially reverence or respect) is not from God.  The verses that come to mind are the many times in the Old Testament, such as in Deuteronomy, where God tells his people to be strong and courageous.  We also walk by faith, not by sight, as said in 2 Corinthians 5:7, which indicates we act on what we know God to be and how we know him to operate, not by the dangers we know that are out there.  This is pleasing to God (Hebrews 11:6). 

The New Oxford American dictionary defines fear as a noun, an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

So actually fear is a normal human response based off of what we perceive with our senses, such as our sight.  But since we are to walk by our faith-- our beliefs-- and not our sight or senses, I believe the Word of God teaches that God does not want us to be ruled by our fears.  So I think it is a correct use of scripture to remind oneself that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and self-discipline.  But I believe we are missing so much of our spiritual walk if we neglect the gifts of the spirit.  We won't truly be as Jesus was without this empowerment.

Paul writes that each man has his own spiritual gift in 1 Corinthians 7:7, and it is implied in the letters to Timothy that we can receive gifts through prayer.  I encourage you, as a Christian, to seek God as to what your spiritual giftings are and to use them with power, for love, and to discipline yourself in the use of them.  If you do not know your gifts, or wish to receive one, I encourage you to ask for prayer.  For God has not given us a spirit of timidity in regards to them, but of power, of love, and of self-discipline.

God Had An Opinion On My Outfit

Isaiah 30:21 (NIV)Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

You probably think by the title of my post that I am writing about modesty.  While I am a firm advocate of modesty, the opinion that God voiced one cold wintery morning had nothing to do with a shirt that was too low cut or anything of the sort.  In fact, because it was so cold out, I put on a long sleeve shirt with a high neckline.
It was always hard at the office to decide whether it would be warm or cold that day.  The day prior to the particular morning God had an opinion, it was extremely warm in the office.  So I decided to not wear long johns under my pants because I would roast and subsequently be tempted to nod off after lunch, all warm and toasty.  I fixed my hair and make up and turned on my heel to go to work.
God said: You'll want warmer clothes today.
My response was to go extreme.  You want warm clothes, God?  I pulled out the largest, most heaviest sweater ever made and layered that over long johns.  I also selected my warmest coat and boots.  I hate wearing headwear during the winter, but I made sure I had that as well, and also gloves.  I was certain I would roast in the office that day and that I would show God a thing or two about having an opinion about my outfit!
Needless to say, as I was driving to work that morning, I thought that the music on the radio had a very annoying beat.  I turned the music up to hear it because it did not match the rhythm of the words at all!  Oddly enough, the rhythm of the beat did not correspondingly increase in volume.
I noticed then that the car was driving strangely, but it being a snowy morning, I had to wait to pull over.  Finally I cleared the intersection, pulled over in the snow, and found that I had a flat tire and the "odd beat" that I thought I heard on the radio was me driving and crunching the rim of the tire into scrap metal!  Yikes!
Needless to say I had to pull all my summer tires out of the back of the car to try and find a jack, which took a while.  The car did not have a jack so I stood out in the snow like a very lost person for some time before someone pulled over to see if I needed help.  He did not have a jack that would fit my car, but returned home to get one from his other car that would fit.  I waited outside in perhaps thirty or forty below-zero weather.
Finally, once my flat was swapped out with a winter tire, I drove to work and found that I had been outside so long that I was cold the entire day.  Had I not listened to God, heard his still small voice, that morning, I would have lost my toes and ear tips to frostbite and perhaps frozen my thighs and other parts susceptible to cold damage.
I don't believe that a follower of Jesus must pray over whether or not they should wear warm clothes or lighter clothes in the morning in any season, or whether or not they should put ketchup or mustard on their hotdog, however I do believe that in the day-to-day, we need to be open to hear God's voice whisper in our ears his opinions, requests, and commands.  He may utter something vital, such as, "This is the one you are going to marry," or he might tell you to not eat that ketchup because it's spoiled.  Or, he might tell you that you'll want to change your outfit for the day.
I encourage you to cultivate your relationship with God so that you can recognize his voice.  Also, don't be so busy or occupied or blasted with media that you do not have the opportunity to even hear his voice if he spoke.  Often times we miss the quiet voice telling us to go to the right or the left because it's drowned out by distractions.
I know I must strive to be open to hearing.  I know it's worth it-- I still have my ears and toes to prove it.

Attempted Kidnapping

Psalm 91:11 (NASB)
For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.


When I was 14, I went on a few-week mission trip to the Philippines with the organization Reap International.  I was really young, naive, and thought good of most people at that point in my life.  I went wherever without a thought of what was going on and was completely unaware of any potential danger.
Apparently while we were there, there was a communist group called the New People's Army or NPA which was watching our team the duration of our time on one of the islands.  The Filipinos would not let us sleep in certain villages because of kidnapping danger and I think the NPA lit off a bomb near the Bible School that Reap helps with to intimidate the American presence or something of the sort.  I was completely oblivious.
I went from one place to the next smiling at everyone, leading worship at the churches, engaging in any activities that the other youth on our team were doing. One thing that I tried was riding on the outside of one of their local modes of transportation-- the tricee which is like a golf cart attached to a small motorbike.  All the passengers ride in the "golf cart" side.  It was really fun because my parents would never let me do anything risky like that (they did not come on the trip)... all until a Filipino man reached out and hooked his arm around my waist and tried to pull me off the tricee.
It didn't occur to me that I was in danger, I just didn't think it was very polite to rip people off tricees.  I didn't struggle, I was too small then to have fought him and he was too large that I am not exactly sure how he had not succeeded.  All I know was that one minute I was riding on the outside and he hooked his arm around my waist and pulled and the next minute I was flying/scrambling into the very full golf cart onto the laps of many people on our team.  They asked me what the meaning of it was, thinking I was perhaps acting up, but I told them what had happened, so they let me ride on the inside.
I didn't fully realize the significance of this until I became older, for now I know of all the things that can happen to a 14 year old girl that gets kidnapped.  I thought the worst that could have happened was that they might ransom me if it was the NPA that tried, but it could have been one of those people that steal children to sell them.  Whichever was the case, I realize that God's divine hand was protecting me, because surely the man should have succeeded in kidnapping me to whatever end.  But God's angels watched over me and kept me safe. 
I know most people don't have stories like that, so I have really seen the incredible work of God in my life.  I am sharing it here so that others can see that God truly is at work in the world, alive and active.  My life has been evidence of it numerous times.

Trampling? Try Sitting and Sleeping On "Snakes And Scorpions"!!!

Luke 10:19 (NIV)
I have give you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.


When I was 19, I went on a 6 months missions trip to the Philippines.  The organization I went with, Mercy In Action, divided groups of students into teams and sent them out into various villages and places to conduct primary health care and educate on hygiene and the spread of disease.  I happened to be an honorary member of the team because I never went through the schooling, so sometimes I had things to do such as count out pills as the "pharmacist" and other times I had to sit and observe.  It was during one of  the "sitting" sessions that I "sat" on a poisonous centipede.
In the Philippines, they frequently lay flooring in sheets loosely over concrete to make the floors look nicer.  Because the sheets are not secured, things like creepy crawly insects and ants can crawl under them and make a nice little home for themselves.  At one particular church, they had a small platform that was covered in this manner and I, in a skirt because it was so hot, decided I would sit on the edge of this platform and watch the pharmacist count pills.
I had gotten used to the feeling of an occasional ant or two crawling on my legs or my arms and sometimes up the back of my shirt.  So long as they didn't bite, it wasn't worth the effort of finding it .  It was so hot, too, that you really didn't care if a water buffalo came and sat on you.  Actually, that might have been preferred, it was that hot and miserable.
I had one such feeling-of-an-ant crawling on the upper part of the inside of my leg and thought nothing about it.  I made a joke to myself about having ants in my pants but I didn't care.  The feeling continued on lot longer than normal, and I then felt concerned that it was not just an ant but perhaps I had sat on a nest of ants.  Or maybe it was something else, like a cockroach.  Or even worse, a spider.  I had to do something, and fast!
It is not polite to reach into your skirt in any social setting, but because I was behind a table, I very quietly and sneakily did so only to find that my hand grasped something a LOT larger than an ant.  I pulled it out, and my hand was full of a ginormous centipede which had found a nice, warm home in my skirt.  There was one second of shock and then I threw it, shouting.  A Filipino man saw what I threw and immediately became alarmed.  He pulled off his sandal, for that is how Filipinos kill insects, and tried to kill it, but it was too fast.  It got away and crawled under the flooring, back to where it had probably come from.  The man tried to rip up the flooring to get to it but did not find it.
Meanwhile, a team member observed this exchange and came over to see if I was ok.  The Filipino man informed us that it was poisonous and could kill with one bite.  Or, it would cause so much pain that you would wish you had been killed.  The team member told me that another missionary had seen a Filipino man cut off his arm rather than endure the pain of a bite of one of those centipedes.  And it had been crawling in my skirt, and momentarily in my hand!
When I thought it through further, our whole team had all been sleeping on that floor in mosquito nets.  The centipede had had multiple opportunities to find someone to bite (or to make a home in someone else's skirt), but we had never seen it before then.  How blessed I was to have God's protection just as Jesus said in Luke 10:19!!!  When we are in God's will we can not only trample on snakes and scorpions (or poisonous centipedes), but we can also sit on them or sleep on them... and no harm will come to us.
Be encouraged to do what God tells you to do, for he has given you authority to overcome the power of the evil one.

Room Of Images

Ezekiel 8: 10 - 12 (New Revised Standard Version)
So I went in and looked; there portrayed on the wall all around, were all kinds of creeping things, and loathsome animals, and all the idols of the house of Israel. Before them stood seventy of the elders of the house of Israel, with Jaazaniah son of Shaphan standing among them. Each had his censer in his hand, and the fragrant cloud of incense was ascending. Then he said to me, "Mortal, have you seen what the elders of the house of Israel are doing in the dark, each in his room of images? For they say, "The Lord does not see us..."

This is a vision that Ezekiel had of the elders of Israel worshipping idols, "each in his room of images" according to God (he's the one addressing Ezekial by calling him "Mortal"). I challenge you to consider this: If your life had a "Room of Images", what could someone find if they were invited in? What are you offering your worship too, your time, your thoughts, your inner most being? Who are you when no one else sees you, when you are in "the dark"? We live in the world, so there are things we have to do in order to live in the world like school, work, eat, shower, breathe, interact with other people. Each of us is also a unique reflection of God, and so we have God-given talents and activities that we like that reflect God's nature. But if someone walked into your "Room of Images", would they find God reflected there? If so, great! If not, what are you willing to do about it?

Prayer To Save A Marriage

One night a few years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with the thought that I needed to pray for a friend's marriage.  I had this very strange vision of what could have been a camera zooming in on one spouse shouting into the camera that they did not want to be married to their spouse anymore.  It was so strange because I didn't think that they were having any marriage troubles.  So I prayed until the image of the spouse shouting at the camera faded.  I fell asleep.  As with all visions and strange nightly wakings, I hoped to myself that I was not crazy and that it was truly God.  I didn't think much about it after.
About a year or so after this incident, one spouse shared with me the fact that the other had left without intention of returning (or at least the mention of it).  They ended up returning stating that God had convicted them, and the couple is still married today.  The timing was crazily about the time I had woken up in the middle of the night to pray!
While it seems weird to our Western minds, I am so thankful that God trusted me enough to wake me up to pray for my friend.  It makes me wonder how many times God has woken up someone else with thoughts of me.  It also makes me wonder how many other people God tried to wake up to pray, such as if he tried to wake up others and they dismissed it as eating pizza too close to bedtime.
I challenge those that read this to be available to God... you never know what is at stake.  I challenge you to be able to answer like Samuel:

1 Samuel 3:4... the LORD called Samuel; and he said, "Here I am." 

The Ultimate Job

Mark 11:24 (NIV)
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.


It was the day before Thanksgiving.  We, my coworkers and I, were given our pink slips.  Yes, we were laid off.  The day before Thanksgiving.
I needed a job.  That much was for certain.  I spent a month looking, searching, praying.  I dressed up in interview clothes every day and walked around with my resume, just in case I might see a job opportunity.  The town I live in is a smaller town, so it's possible to find a job opportunity in line at the grocery store.
One thing I learned was that you don't go to the unemployment office in interview clothing because heaven forbid that you should actually want to work that day if you were hired.  Instead you ought to roll around in dirt and not comb your hair, because if you don't, people in line at the unemployment office look like they want to kill you because you (a rich person because you are dressed rich when in actuality you are wearing your best clothing because you are becoming increasingly poorer each day and need a job) dare stand in line to take a job that they could get.  I have never been looked at like that in my life.  The way someone gives a sideways glance to a person who is acting inappropriately.  Unlike some people, I was actually actively (key word: actively) searching for a job.
I prayed for a job that would provide a good income, have benefits, be close to my home at the time, where I would be able to use my knowledge of the medical field, where I'd have good coworkers, and where I'd have a good supervisor.  I received two job interviews at two tax places, needing temporary workers for the tax season.  The first tax place wanted to hire me.  I was scared to say no because there wasn't much out there.  But I felt like the pay I was offered was too low to live on.  Then I got called for the second job interview.  And then one of my other applications, at a clinic, came through.  They wanted me to interview on the same day.  The clinic interview came first.  They wanted to hire me on the spot for a job that I did not apply for.  After much inner debate, I decided to take the job and let the other place know I was not interested in the interview.
Over the next four and a half years, the job proved to be exactly what I'd ordered and more.  Not only has everything been better than I asked for, but the job unexpectedly provided for me in a very tough place, and I am still seeing the provision from it.  Last year I went through a very rough time in life, one I might be able to blog about twenty or thirty years from now.  We'll see.  I had to make many adjustments in living and I went hungry sometimes (although miraculously food turned up at convenient times... more on that later), and I cried a lot because I didn't have enough money to pay for some medical things I needed (and other hard things that were going on in life).  The job that I prayed for, thinking only in the short term, ended up carrying me through the hard times and once I adjusted my living, it allowed me to save up for the next adventure in life.  It also helped provide for medical expenses through a good insurance program so that actually a lot of my crying about medical expenses proved to be fruitless because most of them were already provided for.  I wish I could go into detail, but that is for another time.
I wish I could have found a better scripture for this post, because I do believe that some people treat God like a vending machine.  It's not like that.  Insert prayer, receive blessing.  In this case, I did believe that God would provide me with what I asked for, only he not only provided for my immediate needs, he also provided ahead of time for things in the future.  He went above and beyond what I asked for.  It is so awesome to be in relationship with a God like that!  When you are in relationship with him, then you can do Mark 11:24.  That way you are asking things within God's will, coming before God with clean hands and living a life pleasing to him so that He can't help but bless you.  Anyway, God is awesome.

Dream That Bomb-Threat Would Happen

I wrote in my last post about dreams.  I really believe that Christians today too readily dismiss the spiritual aspect of our walk with God, the spiritual aspect of existence.  By denying this portion of existence, we leave ourselves vulnerable in this very real war we are waging.  Not against people of course, but against spiritual powers.
In my last post, I posted about a warning dream of how the gas prices would rise.  I received another dream in fifth grade about something that took place not long after.
I had a dream about a clinic where I was being seen for problems with my wrists.  I played guitar, maybe bass (I forget if I started at the time), cello, played on the computer, and wrote at least four hand-written pages every day, giving myself tendonitis and maybe carpal tunnel syndrome.
I went through various kinds of testing to see what was wrong, and it was costing my parents a lot of money.  I felt really bad.  I had to follow up with the doctor, and if my symptoms had not improved, I would have to do more extensive testing.
I was in physical therapy, and I felt that if my doctor's appointment was moved a week or two out, I might be completely better.  But my follow up with the doctor was scheduled when it was.  My parents would have to shell out more money, and I would feel even worse.
I asked God to heal my wrists, or at least make some way for my visit to be moved.  I was not at an age where I would think to reschedule my appointment.  My parents made it for me, it was set in stone.
That night, I had a dream about the clinic building.  I did not understand what it meant, but I saw bright orange cones and pandemonium and smoke.  I wondered what it meant as my father drove me to the clinic the next day.
When we got to the clinic, there were bright orange cones blocking off the road.  There were emergency personnel everywhere it seemed.  There was pandemonium, or so it appeared to me.
My dad rolled down his window and spoke to a policeman.  The policeman told my father the clinic was closed because they had received a bomb threat.  My dad shrugged, what could be done?  As we drove away, I told my father about the dream.
He said, "Why didn't you tell me?  You would have saved me getting off work!"
I didn't realize it was an important dream, nor what it meant.
Needless to say, I didn't need to follow up with the doctor.  I completed my physical therapy, and proceeded to do the exercises I was shown clear into high school.  My wrists healed up, and I learned moderation and taking a break when symptoms start threatening to return.  And I learned an important lesson: to pay attention to my dreams.

Dream That Gas Prices Would Rise

It was a very long time ago, that much's for sure.  Gas is now about $4 a gallon.  But back then, it was under $2.
I think in today's day and age, it is really easy as Christians to miss the spiritual aspect of our Christian walk.  Sure, don't do bad things, go to church, worship crazy, go to a Bible study.  You're set.
The problem is that even though we live in a world with learning, technology, and science, there's still a spiritual element to existence.
I suppose I more easily embrace the spiritual element of existence because of my Eastern background, being half Korean.  My parents also, I've found, have spiritual giftings that I've observed since childhood and have also discovered that I have an aptitude for.  One of those are dreams.  I have had an aptitude for dreams since I was a child.
I think some dreams are the consciousness processing the day's comings and goings.  Sometimes I've realized it's the time when I can face things I've pushed under the surface, didn't want to face.  Some people think they are the result of pizza eaten too late at night.  I'm not so sure if food is a factor.
However, one thing I do believe is that God speaks to people in dreams in today's age still.  He reveals things that we are too busy to accept or notice during the day, he shows us the future.
There are a few famous dreams in the Bible that I can recall-- Joseph (husband of Mary) being warned by an angel to go to Egypt to save Jesus' life, Joseph (coat of many colors) dreaming about the sheaves and stars, the dream of the king that Daniel interpreted to name a few.
Here is one dream that God gave me at a young age.
It was pretty brief.  All I saw was a gas price sign.  I watched it as the numbers rose up, changed to $1.89 a gallon. At the time of my dream, it was well under $1.89.
One day, I am not sure how long after, I noticed that the gas prices had risen to $1.89.  I told my father about my dream, and he exclaimed, "Why didn't you tell me?  I would have bought it in bulk and saved a bunch of money."
I didn't know at the time that I ought to have told him.  I wasn't really sure what to do with it.  But I suppose this is an example of a warning dream, a warning of hard times to come.
I really appreciate that God chose me for the revelation of this future to come.

Prayed For Establishment to Be Closed

Galatians 6:9 English Standard Version
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.


I have been praying the past few years for an ungodly establishment to be closed, and the other day I just drove past and it was closed down!

How I Got My Bible

I was perhaps 12 years old, full of a child-like faith. My father had purchased me a "teen study Bible" when I was 10, because I was an advanced reader and old for my age.  At 12, I decided I was tired of my teen Bible, and wanted a Bible that was for adults.
The problem was that I had no money to buy a new Bible.  My parents had just purchased the Bible I had, so I figured they wouldn't buy me another one.  At 12, there aren't that many other resources.  Also, I wasn't sure which version to get.  King James?  NIV?  One of the more modern translations?  I didn't know what to do.  So I went to God and prayed.
Not too long after, I went with my father to take the trash to the transfer site.  We lived in an area that was too far for the city garbage pick up.  The vehicle we took sat high up, so I was eye-level with the edge of the dumpsters.
While my father threw the trash out, I looked over, and eye-level to me was a purple Bible, perfectly set on the edge of the dumpster.  By that time, my father had just gotten into the car and was shifting gears to drive away.
"STOP!!!" I cried.
My father nearly had a heart attack.  "What is the matter?" he asked.
"MY BIBLE!"  I indicated the purple Bible on the dumpster.
"What is it doing there?!" my father asked.  I could tell he thought I tried to throw my Bible away, and was disappointed in my behavior.
"No, Dad, I prayed and asked God for a Bible and there it is!"
"Well you better get it then," he said.
I got out of the car and ran over and grabbed my Bible.  It is the version that I read to this day, a New Revised Standard Version Bible.  It has really excellent maps and commentary on difficult verses.  There have been many verses that I have had questions about that the commentary gives insight to.  Granted, I take time to study and come to my own conclusions, but I value the opinions of others who are wise and have studied the Word as well.
At any rate, the Bible has been very well-worn and loved.  I had to use duct tape (it's an Alaskan thing) to hold it together.  But it just goes to show you how God will provide the little things.  He's a God of details.

Confrontation

Matthew 18:15-17 (NASB)
 If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.  But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED.  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 


There was a young man at church who had an issue that was very obvious to me, but not to other people.  I wasn't being judgmental.  As a youth-leader, someone had approached me with a complaint in regards to this young man's behavior.  Being a young woman myself, I had felt the same complaint in regards to this young man.  As a leader, I knew I had to do something.  But what?
I hate confrontation.  The Bible talks about the proper way of confronting someone in Matthew 18:15-17.  You don't go and gossip to everyone else first.  You go straight to that person.  You deal with them directly, one on one.  There's a chance that if you talk to them, they might have a chance to repent without being dragged through the dirt... gossip only hurts, doesn't heal.  Jesus knew this when he laid out the plan for confrontation.
I knew better than to gossip, but like I said, I hate confrontation.  I did not want to confront this young man.  So I went to God, and I prayed about what I ought to do.
Whenever confronting someone, you really ought to examine your heart.  If you do not have a right heart about it, you are actually wrong in confronting them.  I felt in this particular situation that my heart was right.  Only...
Only, I felt like a rebuke coming from me would not be well received.  I was no one in authority in this young man's life.  I thought about going to the youth pastor that I worked under for help, but it didn't seem Biblical in the order of confrontation.  Or was it?  I wasn't sure, so I prayed.  And waited.
An opportunity to confront this young man arose, but I really felt that God told me not to.
So I waited.  I really hoped I was being obedient.  It really felt like an issue that not only I noticed, but also God.
God totally intervened by laying it on another person's heart to confront this young man.  The man that did so had so much authority and did it in such a way that the young man received every ounce of it and made a total 180 change of heart and direction.  I have seen such a change in this young man's life from that point on, it is incredible!
Not every situation is the same, but there are a few things I learned: 

• When you see something, it is your responsibility to do something about it!  Chances are you noticed or were made aware of a situation because God is directing you to do something.  Obey.
• Pray about it-- chances are, God will take care of them, or you if you are the problem.
• If God directs you, follow the Matthew 18:15-17 procedure

Tehilla Worship

This is perhaps not an original word, but one I was taught by wise leaders in the worship ministry and one I have found true myself.


Tehillah!  I was perhaps ten years old when I first heard the word.  No, not tequila, the alcoholic beverage and song, but the Hebrew word tehillah, which means a spontaneous new song.  This is a song that you make up as you go on the spot, an ad-lib song, one that's not rehearsed.  If you attend a church where they use this kind of praise, it's the portion where they stop singing the words on the projector and start singing whatever comes out.  Sometimes it's a variation of the words of the song or completely different.
I think some people might wonder why the worship team does that.  The answer is in Psalm 22:3.  I like how the King James puts it:

Psalm 22:3But you are holy, O you that inhabit the praises of Israel.

The word praise right there is the word tehillah.  God inhabits, or sits enthroned on our tehillah praise.  The spontaneous song.
If you do a word study for praise, you will find out that there are seven different kinds of praise, but specifically the spontaneous song is mentioned here.  Apparently, this word is also used in Psalm 34:1, 40:3, 66:2, and 2 Chronicles 20:22, but that is what I found with an internet search.
I don't know about you, but when I go to worship God, I certainly want to create an atmosphere that brings His presence.  I have found over years of worshipping that one of the best ways to encounter God or to catch his notice (that's the best way I can find to put it) is to sing a spontaneous song.  Play a chord or chord progression, and sing what comes to mind.
If you are new to the form of praise, you will probably feel stupid at first.  But once you practice spontaneous worship (ha... sounds like an oxymoron, but you can practice by doing), you will gain confidence and not only touch God's heart but be refreshed.
Of course, this isn't a formula of "How to Bring the Presence of God".  There's definitely lifestyle issues that have to be addressed, heart-issues, relationships even.  But this is certainly an avenue of pursuing God's heart that I've taken, and have had many rich encounters.  When I say, rich, I mean velvet-rich.  
The best thing about God is that He is so big that you can experience this awesomeness yourself.  Need new life, or want the presence of God?  Sing a tehillah song!

Clothing Saga II: A Wardrobe

Matthew 6:30 (NIV)

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you?  You of little faith!


I've written before about how God gave me back a sweater I'd asked for.  I will now tell you of how God answered a larger prayer: I asked him for a wardrobe.

Yes, I told God one day, as an adult, "God, I just wish you'd give me a new wardrobe."

Yes, I know that I am an American, I live like a king compared to others.  I've been to the Philippines and South Korea.  I've seen people here in the states who pray for food every day.

But I asked God for that.  And he delivered.

Within a week, a coworker came over to me and asked me, "What size are you?"

I was a little offended.  But then I told her.

"I've got something for you," she said.

She brought a white garbage bag full of clothing over to my desk.  There were at least six pairs of pants and at least that many shirts.

God said: Is this sufficient?

I told God, "Yes, I know... Your grace is sufficient for me.  I wish I could wear that.  It's a lot more trendy than these clothes."

God said: You already are.

Defeat May Be Your Greatest Victory

Samson's story is told in Judges 13 - 16.  His story is perhaps one of the most well-known of the Judges, at least in my knowledge.  Sadly, a lot of the generation coming behind me don't know the Bible stories like many my age or the generations before me.  I encourage you to read the entire story; there is much to be gleaned from it.
I felt drawn to read Samson's story and refresh my own self as to the particulars.  As I re-read this, there were a lot of parallels to my life, particularly the part about the incredible physical strength.  Wait... I guess the parallels were more figurative than literal.
One of Samson's most memorable triumphs is told in Chapters 14 and 15.

Judges 14:1-2New International Version (NIV)Samson went down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman.  When he returned, he said to his father and mother, “I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife.”

It is only fair to start off here stating that Samson made a mistake to choose a wife from among the people who did not believe in God.  I guess it is best said that defeat and ruin come to those who step out from under the covering of God that is for those who are obedient.  Samson loved God, and God loved Samson, but the Bible tells us that those that truly love God obey his commands.  God told his people, the Israelites, to not marry those who did not worship Him.  It was not because He is a terrible and mean God, but because by marrying "pagans", their hearts would be led astray.  If you read Samson's whole story, you will find that is actually what was Samson's undoing with the infamous Delilah.  If Samson had kept away from the Philistines, he would never had fallen in.  But, as Romans 8:28 states, God worked even Samson's blunders for the good of Samson (by restoring his name) and for the good of his people.

At any rate, Samson wishes to marry a Philistine woman.  There is a lot of drama, and when you get to Chapter 15, you can read of Samson's own heart-wrenching, utter defeat.  He goes to see his wife and finds that her father has given her in marriage to another-- a man that was in his bridal party at that!

I find the romance in Samson's reaction.  In verse 4, you get a pretty detailed picture on how Samson handled his heartbreak.

Judges 15:4-6New International Version (NIV)Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took torches, and turned the foxes tail to tail and put one torch in the middle between two tails.  When he had set fire to the torches, he released the foxes into the standing grain of the Philistines, thus burning up both the shocks and the standing grain, along the vineyards and groves.  Then the Philistines said, "Who did this?" And they said, "Samson, the son-in-law of the Timnite, because he took his wife and gave her to his companion." ...

All I have to say is 300 foxes? I live in a rural area where I might, if I'm lucky, see a fox run across the road.  But 300?  How do you even trap that many?  Or did he catch them with his bare hands?  And then to set fire to them?  The man was mad, or driven by some pretty strong emotion.
Before you think that I am justifying catching foxes and setting fire to them because of heartbreak, I need to point out the fact that Samson undoubtedly had a pretty bad temper.  Compounded with the supernatural strength given to him, if he acted on his anger, the results were disastrous.  His actions were definitely ungodly.  Not only was Samson defeated in his relationship, but he was also defeated by sinning in his response to his pain.
We learn in the second part of verse 6 that Samson's wife (or his companion's wife, rather) and father were burned by the Philistines because they were the cause of so much destruction, an action which further disgusted Samson and brought out his anger.  Not only was the woman he loved taken away from him, but she was also murdered!  Talk about defeat in in the lowliest sense of the word to a man in love.  Samson's temper flares again, and in verse 8 you see that he again takes revenge on the Philistines, killing many.
Where is the victory in all this pain, anger, and slaughter?  The victory lies in the fact that God is God, and he knew exactly how much of a temper Samson had, and how much destruction would come from hurtful actions.  I am not saying God inspired Samson to murder or that God inspired the Philistines to murder to make him angry, however God has a way of using free will (especially our blunders!) for the good of those he loves.  God used Samson, a man of incredible strength, in his weakness to set into motion the deliverance of his people.
The Philistines were the Israelite's enemies.  They were oppressive.  They were cruel (seen in burning Samson's love and her father!).  Israel needed to be delivered, and God used Samson's utter defeat and heartache to lead to his greatest victory.
Samson's story did not stop at foxes.  That was only the beginning.  The rest of his story can be read in Judges 15 - 16.  It is an incredible tale of how one man's defeat and even death were the greatest triumph of his life.
If you are feeling defeated, remember Samson.  Your pain, your weaknesses, and your troubles seem so large to you now, but they are all a part of a greater picture.  While you may not know if you can keep going, I encourage you to be strong and courageous!  What seems like your utter defeat may just be the greatest victory of your life.  

I Asked God For a Car

Matthew 7: 7-10 (NASB)
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.  Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he?  If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!"


When I was a teenager, my walk with God was something else.  I think that I didn't have some of the hindrances that I have as an adult.  I had pure motives, not the convoluted motives I find I sometimes have.
My brother and I didn't grow up with great wealth.  I remember eating hotdogs and ramen as a kid.  My family didn't have all the things other families had.  When we were teenagers, my parents were able to buy a house and I think our lifestyle was better than it was before.  However, my parents' better income did not provide for my brother and I to have a car to get around in.
We lived 11 miles from our high school.  My brother and I frequently biked to the school during the summer for cross country running practice.  Need I point out that part of the ride was downhill and then uphill in both directions, so I biked 22 miles uphill both ways to get to running practice?  Now, we didn't do sprints.  We both ran cross country.  So that was 22 miles with at least a mile of running in-between.  If you are impressed, just think about the (INSANE!) days I decided to bike back to the school in the evenings to weight train for an hour or so...
I wish I was as in shape now as I was then.  Ahem.
At any rate, the church we attended was at least double this distance.  My brother and I both were involved in youth group.  Plus we were growing up, and it would be nice to have wheels.  So, having simple faith, I went to God.
Me: God, will you give my brother and I a car to drive?
Not long after, my neighbors came over and were chatting with my parents.  They brought my brother and I in and they said that they weren't going to a church at the time but they were Christians and wanted to give God their "tithe".  So, they decided to give my brother and I their old car.
That car ran for nearly ten years, and only recently my brother got rid of it.
God doesn't just provide, he plans ahead with his provisions.  How much  more will your heavenly Father give indeed!

Clothing Saga I: The Sweater

Matthew 6:28 (NIV)
And why do you worry about clothes?  See how the lilies of the field grow.  They do not labor or spin.
God knew somehow that women in our day and age would like clothes.  Jesus addressed it during his time on earth.  Fitting.
God knew that when I would walk the earth, I would like clothes too.
When I was a teenager, I had an incredibly close walk with God.  I played the guitar or bass on a worship team and sang.  At one point I lead worship while playing the bass.  At another point I was at the church a minimum of 40 hours a week, nights and weekends, practicing, playing worshipping.  It was so easy to enter in then.  
At any rate, my time with God extended past worshipping at church.  I talked to him on passing periods at school, I talked to God while I was driving.  Before going to bed at night, I talked to him.  The list goes on.
There's something about being close to God that makes even insignificant matters a priority to him.  I think it's like being in a love relationship.  A lover might do something crazy to get something small just to please their love.  God showed his love through me by re-acquiring a sweater for me.
I say re-acquiring because it was a sweater I once had.  I have this (bad) habit of purchasing clothes, getting tired of them, putting them into a garbage sack at the bottom of my closet, getting rid of the sack, and then buying new clothes to start the whole vicious cycle over again.  One item of clothing that made it into the garbage bag was a white, creme-colored cardigan sweater that had once been a staple in my wardrobe.
I've pretty much found that in Alaska, every girl needs a nice basic white cardigan sweater, and a nice basic black cardigan sweater to keep warm and look trendy.  I don't know why I got rid of this sweater, but away it went.
There's one thing I forgot to mention about my vicious clothing cycle.  I sometimes wish for clothing that I've gotten rid of.  But it's gone, so that's that.
I was talking to God one day, and I told him, "You know what, God?  I wish I had that creme-colored cardigan sweater back."
God told me: Get into your dad's truck and drive to Value Village (a thrift store).
I thought God had ignored my request, but I promptly did as I was told.  Ah, the good ol' days when one didn't have to worry about things as one does as an adult.  There were so many less hindrances as a youth.
Needless to say, I went to Value Village and I found my cardigan sweater.  It was a little used, but it was mine.
Why worry about clothes?  God's got you covered.  :)

Strive To Be Like The Lotus Flower

Matthew 5:8 (New International Version)

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Background

During a prayer session, youth were asked to wait upon the Lord to see if he had anything to say.  He showed me a picture of a small pink lotus flower, but I dismissed the image, thinking it trivial.  One of the youth, a quieter boy, piped up and said he saw a small, pink lotus flower.  When the youth leader asked if anyone had the interpretation of this image, one student offered to look it up on the internet.  The following information was found.

What makes the lotus flower so special?

The lotus flower starts as a small flower at the bottom of a pond, in the muck and grime. It slowly grows up towards the water’s surface, continually moving towards the light. Once it comes to the surface of the water, the lotus flower blossoms into a beautiful flower.  At night the flower closes and sinks underwater.  At dawn it rises and opens again. Untouched by the impurity, the lotus symbolizes the purity of heart and mind.

Significance

Like the lotus flower, we are all called to keep our hearts pure so that we may see God in these dark and murky times.  While we may take time to be in God’s presence, our ascension into the light of day, we will, until we die, eventually submerge into the grime of the world again.  I believe that these images, given at a youth group prayer session, were a picture of God’s heart for us in these times.  God desires purity in us; it’s what He finds attractive.  When we are attractive to anyone, they will want to spend time with us.  I think in some respects it is like us with God. 

If you do your research, you will find that the lotus flower has some deep spiritual meanings for many different religions, especially Buddhism and Hinduism.  No wonder so many people over the ages were attracted to the powerful symbolism in this beautiful little flower!  It is a very basic depiction of the desires of God’s heart for us, to rise again as a beautiful flower, the very essence of who we are in Him.  That part of us that humans call their conscience, the part that cries out for God, sees this beautiful depiction, and across the board, we have desired to be like this small flower, yearned for the completion in Christ.

I believe the message that God wanted to give to us during that session, and wants to portray now, is to look at this image and take heart.  To be encouraged and to strive for purity.  I believe the message that God wanted to portray to us is simply this: strive to be like the lotus flower.  

How I Met God

I met God first, I think, at the young age of four.  It was in my backyard on post at Eilson Airforce Base, Alaska.  
I heard about him in Sunday school and wondered if God was actually real.  My parents took my brother and I to the chapel every Sunday.  One of our neighbors, a girl slightly older than I, told me that she believed in science, not God.  Also in Mother Nature.  I asked a lady who was teaching Sunday school how I could know if God is real.  She told me to ask God to show himself to me, and he would.
I went home and did as directed.  God did just as she said he would.
My father had given me a children's Bible and through videos and my parents reading the children's Bible to me, I was familiar with a story of Gideon (Judges 6-7) and how he set out a physical test to see if God was real.  I decided to do ask God to reveal himself to me in a simple test:  If he was real, he would accept an offering that I left for him.
I then set about making the offering.  It was a bouquet of hand-picked dandelions and clover flowers.  I took a piece of Trident chewing gum and wrapped it around them to hold them together, so God wouldn’t lose any.  I then thought he might find the gum disgusting, as grown ups did when they found used gum under tables.  So I disguised it with clover leaves.  The bouquet I left by the solitary birch tree in the back yard.  And then I waited.
The next day, I went to the tree, and the bouquet was gone.  I thought to myself surely someone must have taken it, so I told God if he was there, he would accept my next offering too.  And I went through the routine a few more times.  Each time, the bouquet disappeared.
I never told my parents about my experiment, for fear they might interfere.
Suffice to say, I told God shortly thereafter I believed in Him and would do so the rest of my life.  I also said I didn't really understand the part about Jesus because I didn't really find the crucifixion comfortable, but because I believed in God and Jesus was sent by Him, I would believe in all of that as well.  I told God I didn't understand everything in the Bible, but since He was real, then the Bible had to be real, too.
I still believe in God today, and he has revealed himself in ways to me more powerful than accepting a simple offering of flowers.
I am excited to one day see him face to face.

God Speaks Through Graffiti

In high school, I never really fit in.  Teens are insecure, but I was even more so because I went from seventh grade straight into ninth grade, and unlike everyone else, I did not have any friends in my classes that I knew since kindergarten.  I knew hardly anyone, and that was my freshman year.  

I remember at times feeling invisible.  I remember wishing I was well-liked and had friends, instead of being the awkward girl who was too smart to be in eighth and too uncool to hang out with the freshmen.  (I tagged along with my brother's friends, who were juniors.  My brother pretended he did not know me.)  

One day, it had just been too much for me—emotions and life—and at times in high school I suffered from suicidal thoughts.  I told God, “Lord, if anyone sees me—let them speak now; let me have even one small gesture of kindness.”  I needed to know.

I waited all day, and no one spoke, no one did anything.  I felt lonelier, and more self-conscious than ever. 

Then, in my weight training class, I finally had it.  I’ve never really been athletic, and I had trouble benching the bar (without any weights on it).  I told myself that I'd had it.  I didn’t know what I’d do, though my thoughts veered toward ending my life that night since I was so insignificant and no one cared.

Then, when I sat down on the sit-up bench to knock out fifty crunches, I saw something before me that made me speechless.   There, on the wall, someone had written in pencil, “I see you.” 

Those words, a joke to unnerve whoever might be trying to cheat on their pushups, resounded through my soul.  I knew it was God who said them; it was God that prompted whoever wrote it to pen the words, just so that I might know that He cared.

I still struggle sometimes in regards to acceptance and self-worth, but inside, this memory serves as a reminder that no matter where I am, and how invisible I feel, I am significant to God.

While my problems are insignificant when compared to the happenings of the cosmos, God has time for me.  While I am one of 5 billion people, and however many more people that lived on the earth before my time, God knows me by name.  He knows the number of hairs on my head.  He collects my every tear.

If you struggle with feeling small and significant and just need one small gesture, see the graffiti on the wall in my gym class.  God says to you, too, “I see you.”